MIAMI, Fla. (CAP News) – Area meteorologists are warning sun-weary residents to prepare for yet another day of sunshine and 80-degree temperatures in a winter that has already seen record-breaking good weather.
NORTHEAST, U.S. (The Onion) — Latest estimates show that 18 idiots in the region have already been afflicted with frostbite after locking themselves outside in their underwear, and another 12 have been injured when they jumped off their roofs into what they thought were deep snowdrifts.
Pat Robertson: Snow Is God’s Way Of Punishing Americans Who Were Planning To Drive To Do Something Gay
VIRGINIA BEACH, Virginia (The Borowitz Report) – Rev. Pat Robertson sparked controversy in today’s broadcast of his 700 Club program when he claimed that God created the blizzard currently battering the Northeast “to punish Americans who were planning to drive to do something gay.”
NEW YORK, NY (The Borowitz Report) – Tedious observations about the severe winter weather are expected to dominate the conversations of uninteresting people for the next 24 to 48 hours, boredom experts warned today.
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