Tag Archives | Obama

Dems and GOP Compromise: Tax Cuts to Remain As-Is Permanently

WASHINGTON, D.C. (Newsweak Exclusive) — Compromise was reached today in the U.S. Senate, with Democrats and Republicans finally settling on renewing all of the original Bush tax cuts permanently, with no further tax relief added for the poor and middle class.

Despite the fact that the Democrats completely conceded their position to end the cuts, which only benefits the wealthiest U.S. citizens, the Obama administration hailed the compromise as a “…huge indication that despite our differences, Democrats and Republicans can work together towards the benefit of all Americans.”

When asked why it appears that the ‘compromise’ consists of the Republicans actually receiving everything they originally wanted and more, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) said, “We did our best to get the compromise that would serve all interests. This is the middle ground we found.” When it was pointed out that the ‘middle ground’ that was found was entirely on the opposition’s side, and so the statement he just made didn’t actually make any sense, Reid muttered something about ‘just not getting it’ and left the press conference.

Republican leaders were surprisingly low-key about what appears to be such an overwhelming victory for them. “I think we gave up too much,” said Republican Senator Lindsay Graham (R-S.C.), “I know it’s important to compromise, but I don’t think we served the people who voted for us very well today. It’s an indication that the much-trumpeted ‘bipartisanship’ that President Obama claims to want so much is just a bunch of empty rhetoric.”

A spokesperson for the progressive advocacy organization MoveOn.org, who campaigned for all the Bush tax cuts to end, stated, “You know, in a funny way much of what Senator Graham said is actually true.”

December 4, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

WikiLeaks to Post Obama’s Birth Certificate from Kenya

AUSTRALIA (Unconfirmed Sources) — Julian Assange has stated “I have a copy of the Obama Birth Certificate and I believe people will be shocked.”

Read more at Unconfirmed Sources.

December 3, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

Frustrated Obama Sends Nation Rambling 75,000-Word E-Mail

WASHINGTON, DC (The Onion) — Having admittedly “reached the end of [his] rope,” President Barack Obama sent a rambling 75,000-word e-mail to the entire nation Wednesday, revealing deep frustrations with America’s political culture, his presidency, U.S. citizens, and himself.

Read more at The Onion.

November 26, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }
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