Tag Archives | Obama

Republicans Accuse Obama of Failure to Protect U.S. Against Hurricane Irene

WASHINGTON, DC (Newsweak.com) — Several Republican leaders accused President Obama today of not doing enough to stop Hurricane Irene.

Stumping Presidential candidate Mitt Romney said “This is a typical example of the failed Obama experiment. New York is evacuating for the first time in its history, under Obama’s failed leadership.”

Republican House Majority Leader Eric Cantor slammed the president, “First he brings the country to the brink of default, then he shows no presidential ability whatsoever in dealing with the Standard & Poor downgrade, and now he intends to just let New York be taken by storm. I have only three words: Worst. President. Ever.”

Michelle Bachmann, speaking from the campaign trail added, “This will no doubt turn out to be another example of Obama using people’s money to bail out those who do not need Government intervention. The people of New York should be using thoughtful prayer now to help them through this, and not looking to Government welfare to help them.”

August 26, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

Obama, Boehner Come to Agreement That Cantor is Douche

WASHINGTON, DC (The Borowitz Report) – In what members of both parties are hailing as an important first step on the road to a deal on raising the debt ceiling, President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner today came to an agreement that Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) is a douche.

Read more at The Borowitz Report

July 24, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

Obama: Aside From All The Weirdos And Freaks Around Here, The State Of The Union Is Strong

WASHINGTON, DC (The Onion) — Citing historical legislative accomplishments, an improving economy, and the American people’s resilience in the face of adversity, President Barack Obama declared Tuesday that the state of the union—aside from all the weirdos, freaks, and truly bizarre citizens out there who are “just really, really strange”—is strong.

Read more at The Onion

January 26, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

In New Era of Civility, GOP Says Obama Born ‘Near America’

WASHINGTON, DC (The Borowitz Report) – Ushering in what it is calling “a new era of civility in American political discourse,” the Republican leadership in Congress said today that from now on it would acknowledge that President Barack Obama was born “near America.”

Read more at The Borowitz Report

January 18, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

Birthers Challenge Hawaii to Produce Statehood Certificate

KAILUA, Hawaii (The Borowitz Report) – Leaders of the so-called Birther movement followed President Obama on his Hawaiian vacation today to demand that Hawaii prove it is actually a U.S. state.

Read more at The Borowitz Report

December 28, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

Bill Clinton Refuses to Leave White House

WASHINGTON, DC (The Borowitz Report) – It seemed like a good idea at the time, but twenty-four hours after former President Bill Clinton appeared at the White House to endorse President Obama’s tax plan, Mr. Obama is “still looking for the right way to ask him to leave,” an aide confirmed today.

Read more at The Borowitz Report.

December 12, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 1 }

Obama Agrees to Extend Republicans’ Custody of his Balls

WASHINGTON, DC (The Borowitz Report) – In an effort to end what he called “the bickering and rancor in Washington,” President Barack Obama agreed today to extend Republicans’ custody of his balls for an additional two years.

Read more at The Borowitz Report.

December 8, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

Obama Jumps Shark

HONOLULU, Ha. (Newsweak.com Exclusive) — Political observers were stunned today when, in the middle of the firestorm over the tax cut compromise, President Barack Obama cancelled all scheduled appointments, flew back to his birthplace of Hawaii on Air Force One, chartered a boat on Hanauma Bay, and proceeded to jump over a shark in a confinement pen on waterskis.

“I’m not sure what he was thinking,” One of Obama’s insiders said, on condition of anonymity. “I know that his popularity has taken a beating over the past couple of days, but to pull a stunt like this seems a little desperate.”

December 8, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

In Latest Compromise with GOP, Obama Agrees He is a Muslim

WASHINGTON, DC (The Borowitz Report) – In his latest effort to find common ground with Republicans in Congress, President Barack Obama said today that he was willing to agree that he is a Muslim.

Read more at Borowitz Report.

December 7, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

Desperate Obama Announces White House Foreclosure

WASHINGTON, DC (Daily Fortnight) — It was announced today that The White House has undergone foreclosure, with President Obama relinquishing control to Republican House Leader John Boehner.

Read more at Daily Fortnight.

December 4, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }
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