The best of Fake News
GLOUCESTER, UK (NewsBiscuit) – Fourteen year old Julian Hayes has been frustrated by his parents’ strict controls on the family computer, but has figured that somewhere on Google’s satellite photo-map must be a photo of a woman ‘lying in the sunshine with her breasts exposed for all to see.’
Read more at NewsBiscuit
NEW YORK, NY (The Daily Mash) - SEPTEMBER 11th conspiracy theorists have dismissed claims of the terrorist attack’s 10th anniversary.
“…there’s no way they could have destroyed the World Trade Center, because there’s no World Trade Center in New York. If there is then show it to me.”
Read more at The Daily Mash
PARTS UNKNOWN (The Leaky Wiki) – In an event that shocked the scientific community, a pile of unwashed, stinky dishes, just washed and dried themselves before dad came home from work.
Read more at The Leaky Wiki
ALABAMA, U.S. (The Spoof) – ”I thought he would write poetry and say really deep things” she sobbed “but he wasn’t like that at all. Then he got all fangy and tried to bite me in the neck. It wasn’t romantic at all.”
Read more at The Spoof
MIAMI, Florida (The Spoof) — TSA screeners at Miami International Airport ordered that a man be held for transporting an exotic snake and two tortoises. A strip search revealed that the man instead sported an extremely long penis and large scrotum.
Read more at The Spoof
GROSSE POINTE, MI (The Onion) — As part of the ongoing trend toward replacing U.S. workers with foreign labor, the marital duties of United Carborundum CEO Howard Reinhardt have been outsourced to his Mexican groundskeeper, Jorge Escobedo.
ALTOONA, PA (The Onion) — Following the fiery derailment of a 56-car Ringling Bros. circus train Wednesday, hundreds of clowns, somersaulting acrobats, ringmasters on stilts, stampeding giraffes, and monkeys in colorful hats were seen fleeing the accident, which investigators stressed was a very serious matter and in no way funny.
Read more at The Onion
NEW YORK, NY (The Onion) — The publication this week of Dick Cheney’s memoir, In My Time, has revealed the former vice president enjoys a fulfilling life unaffected by any sense of guilt or regret and there’s absolutely nothing any of us can do about it.
Read more at The Onion
NEW YORK, NY (CAP News) - ”We’ve known for a long time that flipping a coin in the air was an absurd way to determine who gets the ball in a sport where they spend the remaining 60 minutes giving each other brain injuries,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. “We think this new rule removes the element of chance and restores football to a 100% game of skill.”
Read more at CAP News
AMSTERDAM (The Skunk) — Paul Bernsauer, President of the International Alliance of Zombies and Swamp Monsters told reporters that his memberships had been complaining for centuries about the now-abandoned practice.
Read more at The Skunk
