The best of Fake News
ALTOONA, PA (The Onion) — Following the fiery derailment of a 56-car Ringling Bros. circus train Wednesday, hundreds of clowns, somersaulting acrobats, ringmasters on stilts, stampeding giraffes, and monkeys in colorful hats were seen fleeing the accident, which investigators stressed was a very serious matter and in no way funny.
Read more at The Onion
Washington, DC (The Voice of Reason) — A collection of new photographs of the Beatles from their tour of Washington DC in 1964 have been discovered, but their contents has been greeted with widespread disappointment amongst collectors who say that the photographs look pretty much like ones that have been kicking about for years.
Read more at The Voice of Reason
MIAMI, Fla. (CAP News) – Area meteorologists are warning sun-weary residents to prepare for yet another day of sunshine and 80-degree temperatures in a winter that has already seen record-breaking good weather.
ENCINO, Calif. (The Onion) — Developers are putting the finishing touches on Modern Warfare 3, which they say will be the most true-to-life military game ever created with the majority of gameplay spent hauling equipment and filling out paperwork.
CUPERTINO, Calif. (The Borowitz Report) — Apple, Inc. cancelled a press conference today to address the glitch plaguing the iPhone’s alarm function when company chief Steve Jobs failed to show.
LOS ANGELES, Calif. (The Onion) — Motorist Ken Boucher’s voice-activated navigation system flew him right into the Danger Zone today when it mistakenly responded to the Top Gun soundtrack playing on his car stereo. Boucher was attempting to drive to the local Home Depot when the automated GPS put his life in jeopardy by instead following commands of singer Kenny Loggins.
PARTS UNKNOWN (Texas Cockroach) — Jesus of Nazareth announced yesterday that he is canceling his Facebook page due to a proliferation of “religious nuts” and the constant bombardment of his wall with “inane prayer requests for traffic lights to turn green, little league soccer games to be won, five o’clock to get here or so-and-so not to be present at the fitness club”.
NEW YORK (CAP News) — Spider-Man creator Stan Lee, 87, admitted this week that he was “just kidding” when he suggested that producer Michael Cohl mount an elaborate multi-million-dollar Broadway musical based on his web-slinging character.
VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. (Sports Pickle) — “I would love to get Michael Vick in the future,” a Virginia Beach, Virginia pit bull told a local dog newspaper. “I think it would be a big step for me in the rehabilitation process.”
LONDON, Eng. (SatireWire.com) – WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange was in the hospital wing of Wandsworth Prison today after being unable to keep himself from divulging details of a planned breakout by fellow inmates.
Read more at SatireWire.
