Tag Archives | health

FDA Official: “Just Eat A Goddamn Vegetable”

WASHINGTON, DC (The Onion) – Deputy FDA Commissioner Steve Hoyer made an announcement today urging Americans to “just eat a goddamned vegetable once in a while”.

January 19, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

Survey: Most To Start New Year Off By Vomiting

WASHINGTON, DC (CAP News) – A recent survey shows that a majority of Americans plans to start the new year by vomiting, for the most part involuntarily.

Read more at CAP News

December 29, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

New Anti-Smoking Ads Warn Teens ‘It’s Gay To Smoke’

WASHINGTON, DC (The Onion) — The CDC’s new anti-smoking campaign effectively reaches teens with a simple message: if you smoke, people are going to know you’re totally crazy for butt sex.

December 19, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

Woman’s Weight Spirals Worryingly Under Control

LONDON, UK (Daily Fortnight) — Friends and relatives of local woman Samantha Purvis have expressed concerns that the 28-year-old’s weight is beginning to spiral dramatically under control.

Read more at Daily Fortnight.

December 15, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

Report: U.S. Kids Get Majority of Antibiotics from McDonalds

WASHINGTON, DC (The Onion) — A Department of Health and Human Services report released today has revealed that McDonalds meat from antibiotic-injected livestock is now the primary source of antibiotics for U.S. children.

December 13, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

Snowman Reveals Weight Loss Secrets

LONDON, Eng. (Daily Fortnight) — After years of speculation, a once overweight snowman has revealed the secrets behind his rapid weight loss.

Read more at Daily Fortnight.

December 5, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

Chicago High School Replaces Gym Equipment with Nintendo Wii Stations

CHICAGO, Ill. (GlossyNews.com) –- Chicago’s George Washington High School is the first in the nation to bring its gymnasium into the 21st century by replacing all of its gym equipment, including balls, bats, paddles and nets with two big-screen Nintendo Wii Stations.

Read more at Glossy News.

December 5, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 1 }

Terrified FDA Warns Something Making Bananas Black After Several Days

WASHINGTON, DC (The Onion) — The Food and Drug Administration made an emergency announcement Monday to alert all U. S. citizens that “a force or forces unknown” is turning seemingly normal bananas black, soft, and virtually inedible in as little as 72 hours.

Read more at The Onion.

November 29, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }
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