Tag Archives | audio

Enraged Man Fails To Destroy TV

SHREVEPORT, LA (The Onion) — Immediately after seeing his ex-wife in a commercial, Bill Schwartz flew into a destructive rage and attempted to smash his television by launching two shoes, a box of Triscuits and a telephone to no avail.

August 26, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

Absentminded Professor Says Cure For Cancer ‘Around Here Somewhere’

BALTIMORE, MD (The Onion) — John’s Hopkins University Professor Humbert E. Huggins revealed today that after decades of research that he had discovered a “100% infallible cure for cancer”, and that he is reasonably certain it is somewhere in his Baltimore Maryland home.

July 24, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

Voice-Activated GPS System Takes ‘Top Gun’ Soundtrack Fan Into The Danger Zone

LOS ANGELES, Calif. (The Onion) — Motorist Ken Boucher’s voice-activated navigation system flew him right into the Danger Zone today when it mistakenly responded to the Top Gun soundtrack playing on his car stereo. Boucher was attempting to drive to the local Home Depot when the automated GPS put his life in jeopardy by instead following commands of singer Kenny Loggins.

December 30, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }

4-Year-Old Gets Wasted on Rum Balls

YUMA, Az. (The Onion) — 4 year old Joey Curly became thoroughly plastered on rum balls last night, sneaking between 10 and 15 of them off the buffet table of the Sacred Heart church function.

December 15, 2010 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }
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