SACRAMENTO, Calif. (Newsweak.com Exclusive) – An anonymous source close to Meg Whitman’s political campaign revealed today that Whitman is involved in a secret inheritance scheme where she is required to spend a great deal of money in order to inherit an even bigger amount.
The scheme is apparently similar to that found in the 1985 Richard Pryor movie Brewster’s Millions, where Pryor’s character Monty Brewster is required to spend $30 million in 30 days in order to gain the real inheritance of $300 million. The catch of the plan was that he is not allowed to own any assets of value gained from spending the money, or to tell anybody about the rules of the inheritance.
“She had to spend all that money, it was part of the deal.” The source revealed, referring to Whitman’s failed bid for the California Governor’s race. “I mean, she spent 170 million bucks and has absolutely nothing to show for it. Nobody can do that without blowing it on purpose, right?”
The source further claims that Whitman’s dramatic rise and fall were all a perfectly choreographed series of events to lose as much money as possible without tipping anybody off to the real reason why somebody would make such dramatic blunders in the stretch drive of a winning campaign.
“It was first week of September and she was leading in all the polls and she freaked out. She said kept saying she needed to find a way to ‘cool things off’. Her aides explained that it’s perfectly natural to lead in the polls when spending that much money, but she wouldn’t hear of it. Her reaction didn’t make any sense… until now.”
The source says that it was about this time that the campaign inner circle decided to pay Whitman’s long-time housekeeper and nanny Nicky Santillan to out herself as an illegal worker in the country. “You wouldn’t announce yourself as an illegal alien unless you knew you had a lot of money to take with you back to your home country, and Meg must have paid Nicky a bundle. Of course, under the inheritance rules she could totally drop a few million to pay off the housekeeper because, again, she wouldn’t have anything to show for it.”
“And that thing last week where she fondly remembered how great things were 30 years ago, pretending not to realize that was when Jerry Brown was Governor? That was great how she put the bait out and the Brown campaign totally fell for it, running those ads that seemed to totally bite Meg in the ass. It was like icing on the cake.”
When we tried posing some follow up questions about apparent flaws in logic about these revelations, the source advised that they could not reveal any more, that they had said too much already, that Whitman’s ‘drones are everywhere’ and then abruptly left.