TRIPOLI, Libya (NewsBiscuit) — Supporters loyal to fugitive Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi have insisted that it is a ‘complete coincidence’ that in the days since his disappearance there have been a number of sightings of a rather unkempt new drag performer in the nightclubs of downtown Tripoli.
“Wow, this might be one of the best yet,” Watterson said as he completed his 5,689th strip of the past 16 years and then immediately fed it into a paper shredder.
CHICAGO, IL. (The Chicago Dope) — According to doctors at Prentice Women’s Hospital in Chicago, little Trevor Gould was born with a strange case of perpetual preparedness, a condition that will likely keep him on the ball for the remainder of his life.
NEW YORK, NY (Newsweak.com Exclusive) – Many New Yorkers looking forward to being able to ditch work, using fake reasons related to Hurricane Irene, will now relunctantly have to return to their jobs on Monday.
WASHINGTON, DC (The Borowitz Report) — News of the possible interpersonal interactions created panic up and down the coast as residents braced themselves for the horror of awkward silences and unwanted eye contact.
WASHINGTON, DC (Newsweak.com) — Several Republican leaders accused President Obama today of not doing enough to stop Hurricane Irene.
SHREVEPORT, LA (The Onion) — Immediately after seeing his ex-wife in a commercial, Bill Schwartz flew into a destructive rage and attempted to smash his television by launching two shoes, a box of Triscuits and a telephone to no avail.
CINCINATTI, OH (Sports Pickle) — “There still are scoreboards and they will still be turned on and used during games,” said head coach Marvin Lewis. “It’s obviously not what any of us wanted. And the league also still plans to record wins and losses and publish the standings in newspapers. It’s a tough pill to swallow.”
LONDON, UK (The Daily Mash) — Britain’s disgust with tabloid journalism was suspended yesterday in honour of Amy Winehouse.
- Teenage Boy Continues Search For Topless Sunbather On Google Earth September 12, 2011
- Conspiracy Theorists Deny 9-11 Anniversary September 11, 2011
- Dishes Wash Themselves September 9, 2011