Downtown Tripoli Drag Scene Welcomes Highly Unconvincing Newcomer

Downtown Tripoli Drag Scene Welcomes Highly Unconvincing Newcomer

TRIPOLI, Libya (NewsBiscuit) — Supporters loyal to fugitive Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi have insisted that it is a ‘complete coincidence’ that in the days since his disappearance there have been a number of sightings of a rather unkempt new drag performer in the nightclubs of downtown Tripoli.

August 31, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }
Bill Watterson Writes, Illustrates, Shreds New ‘Calvin And Hobbes’ Strip Each Morning Out Of Spite

Bill Watterson Writes, Illustrates, Shreds New ‘Calvin And Hobbes’ Strip Each Morning Out Of Spite

“Wow, this might be one of the best yet,” Watterson said as he completed his 5,689th strip of the past 16 years and then immediately fed it into a paper shredder.

August 29, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }
Chicago Baby Born Ready

Chicago Baby Born Ready

CHICAGO, IL. (The Chicago Dope) — According to doctors at Prentice Women’s Hospital in Chicago, little Trevor Gould was born with a strange case of perpetual preparedness, a condition that will likely keep him on the ball for the remainder of his life.

August 29, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }
Study: Half Of U.S. Adults Will Be Obtuse By 2030

Study: Half Of U.S. Adults Will Be Obtuse By 2030

WASHINGTON, DC (CAP News) — The number of obtuse people in the United States will increase from 99 million in 2008 to 164 million by 2030, according to a new study by the Pew Research Center.

August 29, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }
Disappointed New York Hurricane Survivors Relunctantly Return To Work On Monday

Disappointed New York Hurricane Survivors Relunctantly Return To Work On Monday

NEW YORK, NY (Newsweak.com Exclusive) – Many New Yorkers looking forward to being able to ditch work, using fake reasons related to Hurricane Irene, will now relunctantly have to return to their jobs on Monday.

August 28, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }
Internet Outages from Hurricane Could Force People to Interact with Other People, Officials Warn

Internet Outages from Hurricane Could Force People to Interact with Other People, Officials Warn

WASHINGTON, DC (The Borowitz Report) — News of the possible interpersonal interactions created panic up and down the coast as residents braced themselves for the horror of awkward silences and unwanted eye contact.

August 26, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }
Republicans Accuse Obama of Failure to Protect U.S. Against Hurricane Irene

Republicans Accuse Obama of Failure to Protect U.S. Against Hurricane Irene

WASHINGTON, DC (Newsweak.com) — Several Republican leaders accused President Obama today of not doing enough to stop Hurricane Irene.

August 26, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }
Enraged Man Fails To Destroy TV

Enraged Man Fails To Destroy TV

SHREVEPORT, LA (The Onion) — Immediately after seeing his ex-wife in a commercial, Bill Schwartz flew into a destructive rage and attempted to smash his television by launching two shoes, a box of Triscuits and a telephone to no avail.

August 26, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }
Cincinnati Bengals Disappointed to Learn that Keeping Score Still Exists Under the New CBA

Cincinnati Bengals Disappointed to Learn that Keeping Score Still Exists Under the New CBA

CINCINATTI, OH (Sports Pickle) — “There still are scoreboards and they will still be turned on and used during games,” said head coach Marvin Lewis. “It’s obviously not what any of us wanted. And the league also still plans to record wins and losses and publish the standings in newspapers. It’s a tough pill to swallow.”

August 26, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }
Britain Decides Not to Boycott Every Last Detail of Amy Winehouse Death

Britain Decides Not to Boycott Every Last Detail of Amy Winehouse Death

LONDON, UK (The Daily Mash) — Britain’s disgust with tabloid journalism was suspended yesterday in honour of Amy Winehouse.

July 25, 2011 · Read full story · Comments { 0 }
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