GLOUCESTER, UK (NewsBiscuit) — Fourteen year old Julian Hayes has been frustrated by his parents’ strict controls on the family computer, but has figured that somewhere on Google’s satellite photo-map must be a photo of a woman ‘lying in the sunshine with her breasts exposed for all to see.’
ALABAMA, U.S. (The Spoof) -- "I thought he would write poetry and say really deep things" she sobbed "but he wasn't like that at all. Then he got all fangy and tried to bite me in the neck. It wasn't romantic at all."
Cheney Memoir Reveals He’s Going To Live Full, Satisfied Life And There’s Nothing We Can Do About It
NEW YORK, NY (The Onion) -- “Nothing we do will ever change the fact that this man sleeps very soundly at night and, in fact, looks back fondly upon a long, rewarding career."
WASHINGTON, DC (The Spoof) -- "Ninety nine point nine nine percent of our work involves crawling on your hands and knees with a toothbrush, and filling in forms, reports and giving lectures on trinkets when they are found."
NEW YORK, NY (The Daily Mash) – “…there’s no way they could have destroyed the World Trade Center, because there’s no World Trade Center in New York. If there is then show it to me.”
MIAMI, Florida (The Spoof) — To the question of whether he was concealing a package of any kind, the man replied, “That depends on what you mean by ‘package.'”
GROSSE POINTE, MI (The Onion) — As part of the ongoing trend toward replacing U.S. workers with foreign labor, the marital duties of United Carborundum CEO Howard Reinhardt have been outsourced to his Mexican groundskeeper, Jorge Escobedo.
ALTOONA, PA (The Onion) — Following the fiery derailment of a 56-car Ringling Bros. circus train Wednesday, hundreds of clowns, somersaulting acrobats, ringmasters on stilts, stampeding giraffes, and monkeys in colorful hats were seen fleeing the accident, which investigators stressed was a very serious matter and in no way funny.
NEW YORK, NY (CAP News) – With the start of the 2011-12 NFL season bearing down comes word of yet another rule change that will affect the upcoming season. The venerable coin toss to determine possession will now be replaced with the more strategic Rock, Paper, Scissors.
AMSTERDAM — In a reversal on a policy that dates back over 1300 years, Zombies are no longer required to lift and hold their arms outstretched in front of themselves.
PARTS UKNOWN (NewsBiscuit) — The IT world was plunged into bitter recrimination last night after computer programmer James Renfield finally admitted that despite working in the industry for many years, he had actually never watched ‘The Matrix’ movie.
- Teenage Boy Continues Search For Topless Sunbather On Google Earth September 12, 2011
- Conspiracy Theorists Deny 9-11 Anniversary September 11, 2011
- Dishes Wash Themselves September 9, 2011